Sunday, September 23, 2007

Dunce Fish

Aliyah Fish is still alive. And she seems to be making progress on the food front. That's the good news.

The bad news: I'm pretty sure she's retarded.

On the fourth or fifth day in our house, we put a huge excess of breakfast pellets in the fishbowl. Ben Fish didn't have time to gobble up all 40 pellets before Aliyah Fish had her shot. She swam to the surface, closed in on a pink pellet and opened her mouth wide.

The real Aliyah gripped my arm tightly, her eyes alight with excitement.

"I feel like I'm watching my child take her first steps!" Aliyah cried. "Oh, Aliyah Fish!"

That euphoria was short lived. As we watched more closely, we noticed that each time Aliyah Fish took a pellet in her mouth, it would pop out a second later.

While Ben Fish was doing his best Hoover impression, Aliyah Fish's failure to seal the deal repeated several times.

"At least she's getting to lick the food," Aliyah said.

We have several theories regarding the cause of Aliyah Fish's ingestion malfunction. It's possible the pellets are too difficult for her to eat. Or that she prefers algae. Or that she's taking bites so tiny they're too small for us to see.

I'm convinced, however, that Aliyah Fish is some sort of mental defective who's too dimwitted to master the basic act of consumption. I think we're going to have to instruct Servant Fish to chew Aliyah Fish's food for her and feed it to her baby-bird style.


5 comments:

Aliyah Shahid said...

Ben Fish=Pig Fish

Sami said...

Aliyah Fish is on a diet! Give her a break, do those pellers have carbs in them? Maybe she's a vegetarian? Do they have meat in them?

Magdalena said...

Maybe Aliyah fish is just finicky. She's tried the food, it's not up to her standards so she spits it out. Perhaps you need to invest in some more high quality food...I say, GO ORGANIC. But if you try new food and Aliyah fish still can't master the concept of eating, it might be time to send her packing on the short bus.

Leslie said...

It seems to me that Aliyah Fish would like her own space, as in her own bowl. Perhaps you can make an addition to the accommodations. I say, remove the other variables, as in Ben-Fish and Slave.

leslie

ashahid said...

is anyone dead yet?